Things you never say to a pregnant woman. EVER.

There are just some things you never say to a pregnant woman.

For those of you who know, my daughter Quincy was born at 32 weeks and 3 days. So every day I make it past that milestone in THIS pregnancy I breathe a sigh of relief. Which is why, when I saw a comment on my latest weekly belly shot:

“Dear god…when are you going to pop? It is time for this baby to be out!!”

I was a little irritated.

First of all, I’m not huge. Second, the photo in question was taken at 36 weeks. Technically, even though my scheduled cesarean is March 12, I still have 4 weeks to go (give or take). Even though my amazing ob team has assured me that 3.0 will be a take home baby and I am doing great, part of me is still concerned about a NICU baby. Why wouldn’t I be? Both of previous children were. SO for someone to say that I need to have 3.0 NOW? It’s rude and insensitive.

36 weeks

I asked some of my fellow bloggers and mama friends things that have been said to them when they were pregnant. Here’s what they had to say:

 Things you never say to a pregnant woman.

Someone asked me if i was sure I wasnt have twins. Aka you’re huge lady.

It’s not polite to comment on someones size when they aren’t pregnant, therefore you should never comment on the size of a pregnant woman or when she may or may not pop. If you can’t tell someone they are fat when they aren’t pregnant then them being pregnant doesn’t change it

Was this a planned pregnancy?

Dang, you must love making love!
Wow, you look sooo ready!
You sure theres only one in there?

You’re still pregnant?!

Wow! You’re so big. Are you having twins?

Someone once asked me if I was dilated yet.

You must be having twins.

You’re going to use a family name, right?

Will you be mad if it’s a ____ (boy/girl)

Oh it’s a ____, now you can be done!

Are you overdue?

I think your waddle is so cute.

Are you DONE yet?
You know you’re crazy for having all those kids, right?
Your poor vagina!
Are they all your husbands? (who’s is it)
You’re going to [insert crunchy parenting decision] this time, right?
Are you SURE you’re going to eat all that?

should you be vacuuming in your condition?

Don’t you know how that happens?

Are you having a white/brown baby? No it’s yellow with pink and blue polka dots

Whose the daddy?

You’re tying your tubes after this one, right?

I had a friend tell me wow this pregnancy you are all baby, last time you kinda carried it all over….I was like so what are you saying I was a fat ass last time? (this is my favorite contribution so far)

“Are you going to keep ‘it’ if ‘it’ is like your son?” or “What will you do if ‘it’ is like your son?”(to a mother who has an older child with Autism)

It seems like overnight I went from “When are you going to start showing?” to “Wow! Only 23 weeks? I can’t imagine what you’ll look like in another 17! We’re going to have to roll you to the hospital.”

Yes, I suddenly popped and am carrying higher than last time. I am keenly aware of my size. I also grow large children.

I also get tired of hearing “How are you feeling?” No one wants the real answer. My back hurts. My abdomen hurts. I’m tired. I pee my pants about once a day when I get kicked in the bladder. The list goes on and on.

The ONLY thing you should EVER say to a pregnant woman? Tell her she looks great. That she’s beautiful.

Thank you to my beautiful mama friends of August 2010, Rave and Review,  Simmworks Family Blog, Fabulous Finds by Tiffany and The Frugal Greenish Mama and My Silly Monkeys for your contributions to this post.

Comments

  1. Jessica says

    I love your belly, you really make pregnancy look beautiful! I definitely had my fair share of no filtered remarks. When I was pregnant, nothing broke my happy mood quicker than hearing, “God, you look tired/exhausted/sick/awful!” etc..

  2. Emily says

    Oh yes!! I WAS pregnant with twins and people kept asking “are you sure there is 2 in there?” And I’m like yes, most definitely. I live with the difficulties every day of having two 6 lb babies smooshed in there, thank you very much. I also got the “oh you are having one of each, you can be done now!” I actually told a few people that I wanted to be the next Duggar family, just to shut them up!

  3. Erin says

    You go girl. You look amazing. And I am so so excited that you are 36 weeks. I had my twins at 38 weeks. When people said omg you are huge are you having twins? I could say yes actually. It was when everyone started asking me if I needed a seat that I needed to stop working and sit on the couch. If I hear one more time “do twins run in your family?” Or “did you have fertility treatments?” I think I may start answering ” it is none of their business”. Can’t wait to see 3.0 come home with you. Judging from your blood pressure cuff I saw on fb. You are in for the long haul. Doing great sister!!!!

  4. Leila says

    Part of me can’t believe people would say things like that, but then again, the other part of me totally believes it! How ridiculous can people be!? I hate being told – by the doctors none the less – how big of a baby I am going to have. She’s so big. She’s going to be chunky. I have large babies. My son was 9lbs 15oz – a solid baby. He’s nearly 5 years old, super tall and solid muscle – no fat on him! I have big babies – I’m okay with it so you should be too!
    Leila recently posted..Crockpot Meals

  5. Stephanie says

    This was a great read. I loved the part about NICU babies. I’ve had two NICU babies myself and am scared to death that my baby 3.0 will be one too. I’m 34 weeks now and on strict bed rest. I cringe every time someone says something like “are you ready to be done yet” or when a pregnant woman says she wants her baby out “now” when she isn’t due yet. I KNOW what an early birth means and it isn’t something to wish for.

  6. Amanda @ The Frugal Greenish Mama says

    You are so totally cute and I know many times people just don’t think before they say things. People don’t understand what it is like to have a NCIU baby and just how scary it truly can be. You are beautiful and congrats on making it! Addie made it to the day I started week 36 and after the first night we were able to come, together so you are so very close!
    Amanda @ The Frugal Greenish Mama recently posted..Plastic Free: Gluten and Soy Free Naked Muffins Recipe

    • TheMaven says

      I’ve been told that at this point provided there are no complications 3.0 would just come home, but I still want to keep baking as long as possible. Not to mention I do not want an unplanned c-section where I don’t get to see my baby when they are born!

  7. Tiff @ Babes and Kids says

    You gotta love the unsolicited comments…not. It’s one of those times where people don’t seem to have a filter and it’s ridiculous. I spent half of my shift yesterday doing ultrasounds on baby heads in the NICU. I feel for those parents of the 2 and 3 pound babies that have to stay there to grow, and I’m sure it was hard for you having been there.
    I love your baby belly, I think you look awesome for 36 weeks. You are all belly, it’s cute. March 12th will be here before you know it.
    Tiff @ Babes and Kids recently posted..12 Weeks Pregnant, Pics & Vlog

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