I’m not a bitch, I’m just an introvert.

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I'm not a bitch, I'm just an introvert. - The Maven of Social Media®

Yeah right you say. I see how open you are online. Or I’ve met you, and we’ve hung out at such and such place and you put yourself out there. (and that’s because you KNOW me)

Ok, so let’s think about that online thing – the Internet is like this little cocoon. We all know that. There is a shelter when you have a keyboard, glass and cat cables between you and the world. As bloggers we all know about that “shield”.

My dear friend Danielle gave me advice last night that I can be a little standoffish in unfamiliar situations. (okay, well, a little bitchy)  It’s something I am completely aware of.  I’m not intentionally trying to be rude, to ignore you, to blow you off. I’m just well, out of my element. Yes, me, uncomfortable. UNCOMFORTABLE.

I love coming to conferences and seeing my online friends, but it’s definitely something I make myself do – to push me out of  tidy little box. I go to conferences for my mental health just as much as I do to learn.

I am not the cool girl (seriously) and I certainly wasn’t in my school years (but let’s not talk about how long ago THAT was) and even now, all of these, ahem, decades later, it’s overwhelming to me that people want to come up to me and chat me up. Especially if I’m unsure who they are. Really, no offense there if I don’t instantly recognize you – I am SO THANKFUL for name tags.

So, if I was weird to you this weekend in San Diego, it’s not you, it’s me. And I’m not saying that in a bad relationship break up kind of way.

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  1. says

    I’m a total introvert so I get you. It’s not easy to seem super cheerful and friendly when you don’t like talking all the time or don’t like people touching you (I am so weird about that and that’s the biggest reason I don’t like to go to conferences and such). I wasn’t in San Diego but I don’t think I’d think anything of your behavior. :)
    Carla recently posted..February Blogging Income & Statistics

    • says

      What’s crazy Carla is I am a hugger, I am okay with touching, but when I am/get focused I zone out and ignore people or brush them off. It’s a bad combination of ADD/Introvert in Public. Once I get comfortable I’m *usually* okay. This was as tough weekend for me, it was my first break from my kids/family after 7 weeks straight with no real adult interaction other than my spouse and tea with a friend this past week.

  2. says

    I always find you warm and engaging, Kerri and I am trying to remember the first time we met in IRL. Honestly if you were standoffish, it didn’t register to me and that usually registers with me with my own social awkwardness issues.

    So I avoid meeting people in IRL life the plague. I mean it took me SIX year of blogging to even go to my first conference. It took me 4-5 years to actually use my real name. :) So in that perspective, you seem like a rock star.

    That said, I get the name thing. My memory is freaking shot from medical issues. We may have met 3-4 times before I actually remember a face or name. I run into this all the time at local social media events.

    New person I have no idea who they are:” Oh, yes, we’ve been friends on twitter and FB for years.”
    Me: (((((PANIC))) Slight hyperventilation…More….Flushing…Peeing my pants. Shit!!!!!


    Me: ((panicked smile and feeling like a fraud and lying through my teeth)) “Oh, yes.”

    This even happened last week. And many, many times.

    So I get it. Not stand-offish. Memory challenged which gets even worse under stress. Socially panicked. Freaked? All comes off to snotty to people who are extoverts that don’t get the panic or introverts working on their own issues who approach you.

    Hence why I LOVE bringing my extroverted, event-craving husband with me. You would not believe how much I use him for memory and faces. He whispers in my ear. He calms my panic.

    So solution? Next time take me with you and we can freak together!!

    Heather Murphy-Raines/Scout’s Honor recently posted..Guilt Money: Our Tooth Fairy Sucks

    • says

      Cool. So buy your ticket to SoFabCon in May. That’s my next stop. Cristi is going with me.

      And I think that’s because I “knew” you pretty well because we interacted for a long time beforehand. :)

    • says

      Well, and we’ve met IRL and we’ve been friends online for what? 2-3 years I think? Is that right? Thank you for being supportive of me and pointing it out Danielle. You’re a good friend for that.

    • says

      Thanks Ashley. Danielle’s feedback really got me to thinking though, and that we really DON’T know what is going on in someone’s space. I get that first impressions are KEY but we just don’t always know. It’s easy to assume someone is rude or standoffish, but the truth is they just might have something going on.

  3. says

    I love this post :)

    While I cannot relate personally to the introvert feeling I can say that you are a bitch. HAHA I’m just kidding. I love you. You were really quiet when we first met and I assaulted you with conversation until you opened up but I never thought you were being a bitch or standoffish.

    Everyone has a different comfort level. You could be on the other side of the coin and be that chick who cannot help but talk to everyone and make inappropriate gestures upon first introductions ;)
    Leila (Don’t Speak Whinese) recently posted..Why We Should ALL Care About Life Threatening Food Allergies

    • says

      Leila I swear it’s people like you that make me want to go to conferences. I have to wonder was it fate or the subliminal doings of Mr. Kremp that made sure the stars aligned for us!

  4. Sonya Morris says

    I am the same way! So many people, including family, think I am being rude or snobby. I am extremely shy and feel so awkward in certain social situations that I want to creep away and hide somewhere. On the otherhand, if I know you I can’t stop talking!

  5. says

    I am 100% the same way so I completely understand! All of you girls mentioning attending Blended has me nervous because while I know you online, meeting you all in person is a totally different ball game and I know that I come off as a bitch because of my anxiety and everything else. It makes me even more anxious because I hate giving off the wrong impression, but it’s just my anxiety and me being out of my element! Hey, we can be bitches together! ;)
    Leila recently posted..What You Really Need to Know About Parenthood

    • says

      It’s tough isn’t it. Our tribe is pretty close, so I’d be okay with any of us, but it’s the less often interactions that get me. The Noise Girls know me outside of the typical blogging groups too, so I’m going to be more comfortable with them. I hope I get to meet you this year!

  6. Alina says

    I’m the same way though when dealing with large groups. I’m completely social but when meeting a lot of folks in new crowds I come off like an introvert.

  7. Jenine says

    I call myself a Closet Introvert. Meaning that I’m a severe introvert but people don’t usually realize it – I’ve gotten good at acting! I do well enough in social situations on the OUTSIDE. And I enjoy myself with friends, even at parties where I know folks. But afterwards I need my down time because being around people exhausts me.

    • says

      I’m only mediocre at acting. I also think for me it depends on contributing factors. This conference I came rolling in after having no real downtime for me in weeks, which causes some major stress!

  8. celina k says

    So true. I have heard through the years that some people had that impression if me, and I used to wonder why. But I realized that it’s people who see me in situations where I am uncomfortable, and that’s something I need to work on. Don’t get me wrong, there are some people I am sure who actually have a good reason for calling me a bitch ;)

  9. says

    I am the exact same way! I have so many people tell me they thought I was bitchy when first meeting, after they get to know me they actually can’t believe they ever though that. Apparently I just suffer from a “bitchy resting face” as well. Oh well, I know what kind of person I am ( =

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